5. Forrest Griffin
Forrest Griffin is a man who will one day be in the UFC Hall of Fame. He appeared on the very first season of the Ultimate Fighter reality show that was really a make or break deal for the UFC at the time. Basically, the show featured two teams split by coaches (UFC legends Chuck Liddell and Randy Couture) amongst their respective weight classes, where they trained for weeks and fought each other in a tournament moving towards a finale with a single victorious champion. Well, in a cast filled with raving lunatics, Forrest Griffin is certainly the kind of person to make them all look like Boy Scouts.
Aw, look how jolly and sane he looks!Firstly, outside of the ring, Forrest is known to engage in several behaviors that would have most people committed:
- In order to get an annoying person to stop talking, Forrest put a lighter under his own arm and just held the man's stare with serial killer intensity as his flesh started to melt.
- Because Forrest can't abide rudeness, especially while driving, after being cutoff on the highway he then proceeded to follow said driver home, and then attempt to pick a fight with him before Forrest's friend accidentally identified him, to which he responded "DON'T SAY MY FUCKING NAME!" They drove in reverse out of the neighborhood so that their license plate wouldn't be noted.
- He watched "Silence of the Lambs" multiple times, by himself, in repetition, and then proceeded to quote Buffalo Bill non-stop (for those of you who haven't seen it, the insane murderer).
- He showed up drunk to the Ultimate Fighter house (Season 11) in a child molester trenchcoat and a day's worth of stubble to play the new UFC video game.
Inside the ring, Forrest has a continued history of deranged behavior. A few years back, when asked about his fight strategy, Forrest answered to the tune of "I like to go out and get hit in the face, then I know I'm really in a fight." This same man smiled his ass off as Rashad Evans later pounded his face in. His face was later avenged by Lyoto Machida a few months later, but I'm sure Forrest would love to get the chance to do it himself.
Who's smiling now, bitch?
Certainly not Rashad...
- In order to get an annoying person to stop talking, Forrest put a lighter under his own arm and just held the man's stare with serial killer intensity as his flesh started to melt.
- Because Forrest can't abide rudeness, especially while driving, after being cutoff on the highway he then proceeded to follow said driver home, and then attempt to pick a fight with him before Forrest's friend accidentally identified him, to which he responded "DON'T SAY MY FUCKING NAME!" They drove in reverse out of the neighborhood so that their license plate wouldn't be noted.
- He watched "Silence of the Lambs" multiple times, by himself, in repetition, and then proceeded to quote Buffalo Bill non-stop (for those of you who haven't seen it, the insane murderer).
- He showed up drunk to the Ultimate Fighter house (Season 11) in a child molester trenchcoat and a day's worth of stubble to play the new UFC video game.
Inside the ring, Forrest has a continued history of deranged behavior. A few years back, when asked about his fight strategy, Forrest answered to the tune of "I like to go out and get hit in the face, then I know I'm really in a fight." This same man smiled his ass off as Rashad Evans later pounded his face in. His face was later avenged by Lyoto Machida a few months later, but I'm sure Forrest would love to get the chance to do it himself.
Who's smiling now, bitch?
Certainly not Rashad...Most badass moment:
At the end of the first season of the Ultimate Fighter, Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar were set to face each other in a match that most of the fans were mildly interested in. And then the bell rang. There was no stopping these two. Once they started throwing, both men were relentlessly hammering away. In the first round they managed to rock each other but still stayed in the pocket and kept firing, with Forrest giving some especially good knees and almost catching Bonnar with an armbar. In the second round, Stephan Bonnar let loose. He broke Forrest's nose about a minute and a half in, and it bled to the point where they had to have a doctor come in and look at it. Forrest, ever the psychopath, just smiled. After he was cleared, they went right back at it, Bonnar using Forrest's face as a canvas for his knees own personal Jackson Pollock. By the end of round two, both men were exhausted. Forrest had just gotten the piss beaten out of him and surprisingly was still able to stand. But! Forrest! Was! Not! Done! In round three, he negated some of Bonnar's incredibly effective counterstriking and opened up a few cuts of his own. By the time the round ended, it was amazing to see both men still conscious. The judges scored the bout 29-28 for Forrest, giving him the unanimous decision win and the UFC contract for winning the tournament, and even giving one to Stephan Bonnar for this absolutely mind blowing performance.
4. Chris Leben
Another stark raving lunatic from the first season of The Ultimate Fighter, Chris "The Crippler" Leben fights at a weight class below Forrest Griffin, but is no less tenacious (though with consistently douchier hair). He didn't make it to the finale of the tournament, but he is still remembered for the powerful performance that he brings to every fight. That, and he drunkenly pissed on his teammates bed in the first episode. He almost later drunkenly attacked another fighter in the cast for calling him a fatherless bastard, and after being sprayed with hose while sleeping, punched out a window. When the teammate whose bed he urinated on fought him for vengeance, Leben made him his pretty little girlfriend in about a minute and half.
Then afterwords, Leben also devoured his soul.
At the end of the first season of the Ultimate Fighter, Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar were set to face each other in a match that most of the fans were mildly interested in. And then the bell rang. There was no stopping these two. Once they started throwing, both men were relentlessly hammering away. In the first round they managed to rock each other but still stayed in the pocket and kept firing, with Forrest giving some especially good knees and almost catching Bonnar with an armbar. In the second round, Stephan Bonnar let loose. He broke Forrest's nose about a minute and a half in, and it bled to the point where they had to have a doctor come in and look at it. Forrest, ever the psychopath, just smiled. After he was cleared, they went right back at it, Bonnar using Forrest's face as a canvas for his knees own personal Jackson Pollock. By the end of round two, both men were exhausted. Forrest had just gotten the piss beaten out of him and surprisingly was still able to stand. But! Forrest! Was! Not! Done! In round three, he negated some of Bonnar's incredibly effective counterstriking and opened up a few cuts of his own. By the time the round ended, it was amazing to see both men still conscious. The judges scored the bout 29-28 for Forrest, giving him the unanimous decision win and the UFC contract for winning the tournament, and even giving one to Stephan Bonnar for this absolutely mind blowing performance.
4. Chris Leben
Another stark raving lunatic from the first season of The Ultimate Fighter, Chris "The Crippler" Leben fights at a weight class below Forrest Griffin, but is no less tenacious (though with consistently douchier hair). He didn't make it to the finale of the tournament, but he is still remembered for the powerful performance that he brings to every fight. That, and he drunkenly pissed on his teammates bed in the first episode. He almost later drunkenly attacked another fighter in the cast for calling him a fatherless bastard, and after being sprayed with hose while sleeping, punched out a window. When the teammate whose bed he urinated on fought him for vengeance, Leben made him his pretty little girlfriend in about a minute and half.
Then afterwords, Leben also devoured his soul.His overall UFC record is pretty solid, only a few losses, with his only KO loss being to Anderson Silva. The reason for this that Chris Leben has a jaw made out of granite. You can hit him as hard as you want, but you'll only make him mad. He's said himself that on his chin there's a button that essentially, when hit, turns him into a one man demolition team. This isn't even the scariest thing about him. Chris has been victorious in his last three fights, with the last two occurring within two weeks of each other. Now, for most professional athletes, this wouldn't seem like that big a deal. Football players have games once a week that last way longer than the maximum 15-25 minutes a fight does. However, the sport is completely different. Most mixed martial artists go at least 2 months between fights. The reasons for this? Insane damage that recovers massive recovery time. If you get knocked out, that's a concussion that'll keep you out of the ring for a while. Tapped to an armbar? Weeks before your arm doesn't hurt to move. Fights are constantly postponed due to health issues because fighters need to be in absolute peak physical condition upon entering the ring. The fact that Leben successfully won his most recent fight means that when the nuclear holocaust wipes out all life on the planet, he will be scouring the planet looking for mutants to punch him on the chin.
Trust me, Noseless dude, you're gonna need that hand spike.
Trust me, Noseless dude, you're gonna need that hand spike.Most Badass Moment:
Not only did he win his most recent fight two weeks after an epic battle with Aaron Simpson, he did it against Yoshihiro Akiyama, a Japanese MMA superstar who goes frequently by "Sexiyama," and he did it after getting his ass handed to him for two rounds. Akiyama trained to fight Wanderlei Silva, an angry Brazilian man-ape with a vendetta against human skulls, so he had a good preparation for Leben's strategy. He threw Leben around and scored a multitude of fine hits, but at some point in the third round, Sexiyama fucked up and hit that magic button and Leben gained superpowers. The Crippler then spent the next few minutes reminding Sexiyama which nation won World War II and then with 20 seconds to go, choked him mercifully into unconsciousness. Seemingly bared winded, Leben immediately faces the camera and tells Wanderlei that he will do the same to him, thus hopefully setting the stage for a match between the man who uses the force from punches to refill his health and a man who made his living in Japan stomping on people's heads. (Side note: It was recently released that on the way back to the locker room, Leben triumphantly declared that he had said he'd win in the 2nd round. His cornerman confused replies that it was the 3rd round, not the second. Leben stares blankly. "THE THIRD?" Gooood concussions.)
3. Stephan Bonnar
You saw him mentioned earlier with Forrest Griffin in what is considered the greatest fight in MMA history. Like both Forrest and Leben, Stephan "The American Psycho" Bonnar likes to get hit. Unlike them, he also likes to bleed. And by likes to bleed, I mean a strong burst of wind could cut his face open. However, nothing short of a nuclear blast could knock this man out. After that legendary fight, Forrest Griffin would go on to become Light Heavyweight Champion and best-selling author. However, Bonnar's record has been mediocre at best, going 12 wins and 7 losses, and testing positive for an illegal substance after his second fight with Forrest (note: it wasn't as epic as the first, but its was still pretty damn good). However, a closer look at those seven losses reveals the true level of Bonnar's talent: Five of those seven losses are by decision, and they are to some bad ass mother-fuckers: Forrest Griffin twice, Rashad Evans (who stole the LHW championship from Forrest), Jon "Bones" Jones (Who is known for beating the hell out of people and breaking faces with his elbows), and Mark Coleman (one of the greatest fighters in the history of the sport). The other two losses are both considered KO/TKO, but in fact were doctor stoppage due to his weak skin constitution.
Suprisingly, drowning your opponent in your own blood is not a valid fighting tactic.
Let's see them nail this "Carpenter" to a cross.
Not only did he win his most recent fight two weeks after an epic battle with Aaron Simpson, he did it against Yoshihiro Akiyama, a Japanese MMA superstar who goes frequently by "Sexiyama," and he did it after getting his ass handed to him for two rounds. Akiyama trained to fight Wanderlei Silva, an angry Brazilian man-ape with a vendetta against human skulls, so he had a good preparation for Leben's strategy. He threw Leben around and scored a multitude of fine hits, but at some point in the third round, Sexiyama fucked up and hit that magic button and Leben gained superpowers. The Crippler then spent the next few minutes reminding Sexiyama which nation won World War II and then with 20 seconds to go, choked him mercifully into unconsciousness. Seemingly bared winded, Leben immediately faces the camera and tells Wanderlei that he will do the same to him, thus hopefully setting the stage for a match between the man who uses the force from punches to refill his health and a man who made his living in Japan stomping on people's heads. (Side note: It was recently released that on the way back to the locker room, Leben triumphantly declared that he had said he'd win in the 2nd round. His cornerman confused replies that it was the 3rd round, not the second. Leben stares blankly. "THE THIRD?" Gooood concussions.)
3. Stephan Bonnar
You saw him mentioned earlier with Forrest Griffin in what is considered the greatest fight in MMA history. Like both Forrest and Leben, Stephan "The American Psycho" Bonnar likes to get hit. Unlike them, he also likes to bleed. And by likes to bleed, I mean a strong burst of wind could cut his face open. However, nothing short of a nuclear blast could knock this man out. After that legendary fight, Forrest Griffin would go on to become Light Heavyweight Champion and best-selling author. However, Bonnar's record has been mediocre at best, going 12 wins and 7 losses, and testing positive for an illegal substance after his second fight with Forrest (note: it wasn't as epic as the first, but its was still pretty damn good). However, a closer look at those seven losses reveals the true level of Bonnar's talent: Five of those seven losses are by decision, and they are to some bad ass mother-fuckers: Forrest Griffin twice, Rashad Evans (who stole the LHW championship from Forrest), Jon "Bones" Jones (Who is known for beating the hell out of people and breaking faces with his elbows), and Mark Coleman (one of the greatest fighters in the history of the sport). The other two losses are both considered KO/TKO, but in fact were doctor stoppage due to his weak skin constitution.
Suprisingly, drowning your opponent in your own blood is not a valid fighting tactic.Those two losses are to Lyoto Machida (who would later go on to annihilate Rashad Evans...see a trend here?) and to Krystof "The Polish Experiment" Soszynski, who Bonnar would get an instant rematch against and then proceed to demonstrate why good ol' fashioned American mental disorder trumps Polack science every time.
Most Badass Moment:
Obviously being in the best fight of all time comes readily to mind, but honestly any time that Bonnar steps into the cage you're getting a hell of a good fight. His chin is forged out of steel and the words "give up" sound like Russian to him. Fact of the matter is, Bonnar's continued existence is a badass moment. But I think recently his underdog slaughter of K-Sos really brought him back to eye of the public and hopefully he'll get back to being a major UFC player.
Stephan Bonnar simply walks into Mordor
2. Clay Guida
Clay Guida is the smallest of these fighters thus far, but he is certainly pound for pound as batshit insane as the rest of them. Like Stephan Bonnar, he loves to bleed, and also has an indestructible chin. He was formerly the Strikeforce Lightweight champion, but after his transition to the UFC, his record is 6-5 with 3 decision losses and 2 submission stoppages. In his entire career, he sports 11 losses, 6 submission and 5 decision. Not once has he ever been stopped by a fist to his Jesus look-alike chin.
Most Badass Moment:
Obviously being in the best fight of all time comes readily to mind, but honestly any time that Bonnar steps into the cage you're getting a hell of a good fight. His chin is forged out of steel and the words "give up" sound like Russian to him. Fact of the matter is, Bonnar's continued existence is a badass moment. But I think recently his underdog slaughter of K-Sos really brought him back to eye of the public and hopefully he'll get back to being a major UFC player.
Stephan Bonnar simply walks into Mordor2. Clay Guida
Clay Guida is the smallest of these fighters thus far, but he is certainly pound for pound as batshit insane as the rest of them. Like Stephan Bonnar, he loves to bleed, and also has an indestructible chin. He was formerly the Strikeforce Lightweight champion, but after his transition to the UFC, his record is 6-5 with 3 decision losses and 2 submission stoppages. In his entire career, he sports 11 losses, 6 submission and 5 decision. Not once has he ever been stopped by a fist to his Jesus look-alike chin.
Let's see them nail this "Carpenter" to a cross.Find my comparison to Jesus blasphemous? Well considering this man spent his life as a carpenter (hence the nickname) and STILL managed to rack up an impressive 20-6 record with a championship. See, most athletes need to train full time, meaning their job is the sport. Guida was too busy growing out his hair, building houses for the poor, and preaching on the mount...I think. His cardiovascular endurance is clearly the stuff of biblical legend, as he has gone the distance in a third of his fights without even coming close to gassing out. His pre-fight strategy is thus far, the most insane of any of these other fighters. He has his corner man actually slap him repeatedly in the face and punch him as he smiles and laughs. His actual fight strategy is a hybrid of intelligent counter-striking/grappling and channeling gorillas as his arms promptly go into seizures into his opponents face. He seems to do his best immediately after almost getting smacked really hard in the face, after which, similarly to Chris Leben, Guida goes insane and does shit like pick up and slam his opponents, or drop on his own face to pull of impossible submissions with relative ease. Essentially, he's turning water into wine and making you think there's nothing difficult about it.
So easy, a Caveman could do it.
Most Badass Moment:
During the summer of 2009, Guida was set to face another member of the cast of the first season of the Ultimate Fighter, the first middleweight winner Diego Sanchez. "Nightmare" Sanchez, who entered the first season of that show with 11 consecutive victories and a Welterweight championship from the King of the Cage promotion, was certainly a heavy favorite. On the other hand, Diego Sanchez believes in Tony Robbins and the power of the rain and thunder, which you'd think would make him kind of a pussy or just a fucktard. Since fighters don't need that much intelligence, it makes more sense to lean towards that option since if you ever saw this man stare you down you would probably shit your pants in fear.
Call me a pussy and I'll smack you down with the force of LIGHTNING.
So easy, a Caveman could do it.Most Badass Moment:
During the summer of 2009, Guida was set to face another member of the cast of the first season of the Ultimate Fighter, the first middleweight winner Diego Sanchez. "Nightmare" Sanchez, who entered the first season of that show with 11 consecutive victories and a Welterweight championship from the King of the Cage promotion, was certainly a heavy favorite. On the other hand, Diego Sanchez believes in Tony Robbins and the power of the rain and thunder, which you'd think would make him kind of a pussy or just a fucktard. Since fighters don't need that much intelligence, it makes more sense to lean towards that option since if you ever saw this man stare you down you would probably shit your pants in fear.
Call me a pussy and I'll smack you down with the force of LIGHTNING.Clay Guida, to his credit, didn't shy away from this madman for a second. The fight begins and Sanchez spent the first minute throwing so many strikes you would have thought you were watching a god damn anime. Hit after hit after hit rained down and Guida slogged through it valiantly. Something evil happened to his skull though, somewhere between the hailstorm of fists, knees, and head kicks, and Guida started sweating his own red juices. The scent of his own blood must have revitalized him, because Guida spent the next two rounds trying balancing out the sheer volume of whupass he received in round one. Sanchez still dominated the fight, so it wasn't enough to please all the judges in his favor (Guida lost by split decision), Guida bled so profusely it looked as though his skin was stained. Anyone would feel terrible for the man who possibly just got half his IQ punched out of his skull, except Guida was hopping around the cage like the Energizer Bunny from Hell and ready to go another five rounds no problem. No. Fucking. Way.
The fact that Guida was alive by the end of the match means his skull should be sent to Japan to revive their MMA Skullsmashing experiments.
The fact that Guida was alive by the end of the match means his skull should be sent to Japan to revive their MMA Skullsmashing experiments.1. Jung Chan Sung
Jung Chan Sung is easily the youngest of all the other fighters, and is also the smallest weighing in at 143.1 pounds. However, out of all the others, fighting this man is the most terrifying thought. His current record (from promotions of Pancrase, Deep, WVR, and WEC) is 10-2, with both losses by decision. Yet for all intents and purposes, he is the only fighter on this whole list with no real defeats. Jung Chan Sung has never been stopped in his fighting career, something none of these other psychos can brag about. More importantly, both losses are incredibly controversial, specifically the first one that got him knocked out of the Sengoku 8 tournament. See, some Japanese promotions are not exactly known for their balanced judging. In fact, during the heydays of PRIDE, there were often allegations of things like slanted judging and, if you believe Quinton Jackson, even poisoning fighters.
Pictured: Quinton "Rampage" Jackson following his "poisoning" by Wanderlei Silva's fists.
Jung Chan Sung is easily the youngest of all the other fighters, and is also the smallest weighing in at 143.1 pounds. However, out of all the others, fighting this man is the most terrifying thought. His current record (from promotions of Pancrase, Deep, WVR, and WEC) is 10-2, with both losses by decision. Yet for all intents and purposes, he is the only fighter on this whole list with no real defeats. Jung Chan Sung has never been stopped in his fighting career, something none of these other psychos can brag about. More importantly, both losses are incredibly controversial, specifically the first one that got him knocked out of the Sengoku 8 tournament. See, some Japanese promotions are not exactly known for their balanced judging. In fact, during the heydays of PRIDE, there were often allegations of things like slanted judging and, if you believe Quinton Jackson, even poisoning fighters.
Pictured: Quinton "Rampage" Jackson following his "poisoning" by Wanderlei Silva's fists.Now, I'm not saying this really happens, but there is apparently a history of World Victory Road (the promotion) has a history of discriminating against Koreans. The scores were 30-29, 30-29, 29-28. Essentially, since each of 3 rounds is based on a ten point scale, two of the judges thought that two rounds were draws and Chan-Sung just lost the third round, and the third judge was probably just Cecil Peoples (for non-fans, Cecil Peoples is the worst judge in all of MMA).
Now, none of this really explains why this man is at the number one position on this list. Well, see Chan-Sung's nickname is the Korean Zombie. They call him this because nothing can put his man down. Nothing. The Incredible Hulk himself could come up and deck this guy in the face and get little more for his trouble than a laugh and a bruised hand. The Zombie likes two things: throwing fists and getting hit by fists. Also, making his opponents tap out. He's just as likely to do that as ask you what you like about Sex in the City.
Chan-Sung: You know, I think that Carrie has a tendency to just be so catty.
Shintaro Ishiwatari: Glorgle...plark?
Now, none of this really explains why this man is at the number one position on this list. Well, see Chan-Sung's nickname is the Korean Zombie. They call him this because nothing can put his man down. Nothing. The Incredible Hulk himself could come up and deck this guy in the face and get little more for his trouble than a laugh and a bruised hand. The Zombie likes two things: throwing fists and getting hit by fists. Also, making his opponents tap out. He's just as likely to do that as ask you what you like about Sex in the City.
Chan-Sung: You know, I think that Carrie has a tendency to just be so catty.Shintaro Ishiwatari: Glorgle...plark?
Most Badass Moment:
Very recently, Chan-Sung transitioned into the American Zuffa owned promotion World Extreme Cagefighting, which is happily broadcast for free and offers great fights. In his first fight off the bat, the Zombie got Mexican-American "Bad Boy," Leonard Garcia. Garcia doesn't have the most impressive record, but holds some solid victories over fighters like Jens Pulver, former UFC lightweight champion who once made the most dominant UFC Lightwight B.J. Penn his bitch. Anyhow, once these two got into the cage, they took right to swinging. For 15 minutes, almost non-stop, nothing but fist after fist being traded between the two. Neither would back down, and neither knew how to stop. To Garcia's credit, even though he was taking the majority of the punishment, he still stood and fought as hard as he could.
And every strike was followed up with grainy aftershock
Very recently, Chan-Sung transitioned into the American Zuffa owned promotion World Extreme Cagefighting, which is happily broadcast for free and offers great fights. In his first fight off the bat, the Zombie got Mexican-American "Bad Boy," Leonard Garcia. Garcia doesn't have the most impressive record, but holds some solid victories over fighters like Jens Pulver, former UFC lightweight champion who once made the most dominant UFC Lightwight B.J. Penn his bitch. Anyhow, once these two got into the cage, they took right to swinging. For 15 minutes, almost non-stop, nothing but fist after fist being traded between the two. Neither would back down, and neither knew how to stop. To Garcia's credit, even though he was taking the majority of the punishment, he still stood and fought as hard as he could.
And every strike was followed up with grainy aftershockIn the end, it went to the judges cards with everyone knowing that however powerfully Garcia fought, the Korean Zombie had handily picked up the win in what has also the honor of being one of the greatest fights in the entire history of Mixed Martial Arts. Scores come back: 29-28, 29-28, 28-29...GARCIA?! The crowd is shocked, boos, and Garcia tries not to shit his pants with excitement at the robbery. (I swear to God, there's too much piss poor judging in this sport, and I think something really needs to be done about it. In the future expect an article on the worst instances of judging.) In any case, this highly controversial loss still means the Korean Zombie has a record sullied only by highly questionable decision losses, which means watch out for a Fedor-like legend status for his future.
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